1. When is it acceptable to engage in sexual intercourse with someone?
A: When the person is sleeping, passed out, or inebriated
B: When the person says "No" repeatedly but you know the person really means "Yes"
C: When the person says, "Mr. Clinton, please get off!"
D: When the person is a consenting adult, because it's not rape if it's consensual
2. When is it acceptable for an adult to engage in sexual acts with a child?
A: When the adult is a Muslim
B: When the adult is a Christian
C: When the adult is a U.S. Senator or a candidate for the U.S. Senate
D: It is never fucking acceptable for this to occur! Are you fucking kidding me?
3. When is it acceptable to touch or grab a person's butt?
A: When you're taking a photo with the person in public
B: When you literally just can't even because dat ass tho
C: When you've cornered someone and they look nervous, so it will ease the tension
D: When you have a relationship with this person wherein this activity has been consented to
4. Which of the following people is fit to be a U.S. Congressman?
A: A Democrat from New Jersey allegedly involved with underage prostitutes
B: A Republican from Alabama who allegedly molested underage girls decades ago
C: A Democrat from Michigan accused of sexual harassment but called an icon by Nancy Pelosi
D: None of the above
5. In which of the following cases is sexual abuse or harassment considered acceptable?
A: Even if President Clinton raped someone, he's in favor of a woman's right to choose, so it's cool
B: Even if Judge Moore molested young girls, he's against murdering babies, so it's cool
C: Even if Senator Franken groped women, he's funny and has done a lot for women, so it's cool
D: There are different levels of abuse and harassment, but none of these are acceptable
6. Which beings should be able to get away with sexual abuse or harassment?
A: Big shots at Fox News or NBC, because they can make or break your career
B: Hollywood Elite, because they can make or break your career
C: Comedians, because they're hilarious
D: Pit bulls if they bite the cocks off of would-be rapists
7. When should women who come forward with sexual assault allegations be believed?
A: Always, because even if it takes some innocent men down, that's a price we're willing to pay
B: Never, because bitches are liars who are looking for money and fame
C: Sometimes, depending on the political party the person they are accusing belongs to
D: Dependent upon the credibility of their stories, disregarding admiration or disdain for the accused
8. When is it the victim's own fault for being raped?
A: When she was asking for it because of that tank top and those leggings
B: When she shouldn't have let herself be alone with a guy who suffers from sex addiction
C: When he shouldn't have gone to that party hosted by an older man who was interested in him
D: Literally never
9. Which of these cultures is inferior and should have no place in America?
A: One in which child brides are forced to marry older men, and beating women is permissible
B: One in which women are forced to commit sex acts and stay quiet about them to get acting gigs
C: Neither, because you're not allowed to judge whether or not a culture outside your own is inferior
D: Both, because you damn well can judge the inferiority of a culture if they're doing that shit
10: Which of the following reactions to finding out about sexual assault is acceptable?
A: Pretending it did not happen for the good of the school's top-tier college football program
B: Attempting to intimidate and silence your husband's victims and then running for President
C: Keeping quiet about it, but occasionally telling jokes about it, especially when in Hollywood
D: Beating the perpetrator senseless if you catch him or her in the act, then calling the police
Answer Key: The answer to all 10 questions is D, which is also a part of the anatomy that one should control properly. If you scored 100 percent on this exam, congratulations, you might not be a terrible human being! If you answered anything other than D to any of these questions, please stay away from politics, the entertainment industry, and other human beings.
